SO my eight year old son gets in the car after school activities are done and we’re on the way home. My infant son Dylan is asleep in the back seat.
“Dad?” he asks.
“What?” I say.
“How come America is shutting down tonite?”
I thought – ‘Cuz they’re a bunch of f**kin’ idiots, Jack’
I said – “Well, all the Congress people can’t figure out how to spend our money.”
“What happens when America shuts down?”
“Well, remember we were gonna go on vacation to see all that stuff in Washington DC?” I asked.
“Well, if we were there, and America closed, we couldn’t see the first space ship to the moon, the first flag, Abe Lincoln’s hat, all the huge statues and stuff – we couldn’t go see them. We’d just have to stay in our room and play cards.”
“What if they stay closed when we go there?” he asks.
I smile when I think about it, like the Grinch did when he came up with that plan with the little dog.
“Well,” I say, “We’d go to one of those fancy Georgetown restaurants where all those guys have supper, we’d send Dylan in to throw their plates of food at them, maybe spill some hot coffee on them.”
I was just warmin’ up.
“Then, we’d take all those guys over to Obama, he lives in the White House, you know that?”
“I know that.” Jack says, still laughing.
“Let me tell you what’s really funny.” I say.
“We’d take him to Obama, wake him up, and have them do pushups for a couple hours, then we’d go back to those restaurants, and spill their steak and lobster all over them and tell them to open America up again.”
Jack loved it.
“We’d take ALL THEIR HOT SOUP AND CRABBIE PATTIES and throw it at ’em!” I say. “YEAH! We’ll torch the streets….then we’ll go to all their houses and wake them up and yell at them!”
Jack’s trying to say something, but is laughing too hard.
“Then Dylan would walk up to them, pull their hair, take their glasses and throw them and break them, and poke and bite their faces until they did what we said!”
I looked over at him. I gave him one of those evil smiles, like the Grinch.
He evil smiled back.
Then I gave him an ‘Atta boy!’ hug.