Ok so baby Dylan is teething like crazy, and it matters because the teething is keeping him awake at night while not affecting his vocal chords.
He bites, kicks, screams AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS, and hits everything, as well as throws his bottle across the room. When he is like that I feel like I am in the middle of the last scene of The Exorcist – the movie about devil possession with Linda Blair. Although I should say I would freak out if he were perched in one corner of the ceiling and spewed green vomit on me. But come to think of it, he did spew green vomit on me once, after he ate a whole bunch of spinach one night. I suppose it was too rich, with butter and sauce and all.
So anyway, that oragel stuff, THAT WORKS! I’ve tested it on myself when I had my own toothache; it numbed my gums up and got rid of the pain. Dylan hates it, and chews on my finger REALLY HARD while I try to apply it. I know…they say to put some oragel on a Q-tip thing, but I dont have time for all that when he is SCREAMING IN TOTAL AGONY AND DROOLING as well. Needless to say I no longer feel pain at the end of my fingers, as all the nerve endings have been severed or damaged beyond repair. Of course I have a new party trick; I can place my fingers over a flame without feeling the heat.
All biting aside, I now use a little chesspiece (its wooden and has little teeny tiny bite marks on it from YOU-KNOW-WHO) – big enough for him not to swallow – to keep his POWERFUL LITTLE JAWS from CLAMPING SHUT ON MY FINGER, and I have success with the baby oragel.
But the pink “pain medicine” syrup that tastes and looks like bubblegum – total waste.
He NEVER gets better after that stuff.
SO the other night during – how should I describe it – HELL – I was looking for the baby oragel but remembered my wife reminded me to pick it up from the store earlier that night when I was picking up a new bag of diapers. WHile at the store, I thought to myself while holding the diapers – ‘what am I forgetting?’ – but just moved on so my wife wouldn’t get all mad about me being gone too long leaving her alone with THOSE KIDS.
I forgot the baby oragel.
So I debate. Take HELLBOY with me to the 24 hour Walgreens to get the oragel, or rely only on the infant PAIN MEDICINE – and they convince you that it works because they have an ILLUSTRATION OF A SMILING BABY – of course they couldn’t show a photo of one after giving this “medicine” because IT DOESNT WORK.
He never feels better after it. One night, I did an experiment without DYLANS knowledge, and gave him candy syrup my other son JACK had gotten in a little vial for Easter. Because Easter is about the bunny rabbit and candy, not anything else.
He went to sleep a few minutes later.
The next morning my wife asked me how I calmed Dylan down. I told her it was sheer luck, since I applied the candy syrup instead of a hit of the $10 USELESS MEDICINE…..and then SHE proceeded to chew me out for giving Dylan sugar at night – since it has the effect of keeping him up as well as – well, you know, sugar just isn’t good for “them”. I reminded her he was ALREADY UP SCREAMING.
I also said I was trying to prove a point.
She asked me who I was trying to prove it to.
I guess I didnt have that thought out clearly.
I told her we could save a lot of money not buying this stupid useless medicine.
She said we’d spend all of that savings on DENTAL CARE FOR ROTTING HIS TEETH OUT.
I told her that wasn’t the point.
SHe asked me what the point was.
I said the point was this expensive bubblegum medicine doesn’t work.
She said DON’T GIVE HIM SUGAR AT NIGHT OR ANYTIME AS A MATTER OF FACT. It turns his little body into a YEAST FACTORY or words to that effect.
SO she still uses the $10 stuff.
And so do I.
I just think I shouldnt. And thats why I AM blogging about it!