MN Vikings Will Win the 2015-6 Season Opener Says My Son Jackson And Here’s Why

MN Vikes vs the 49rs....
MN Vikes vs the 49rs….

1. Number 28, Adrian Peterson coming back with a point to prove after missing last season

Some "Old Guy", per my 13 year old son, is impressed with the MN VIkings new QB Bridgewater...what could this old guy possibly know....
Some “Old Guy”, per my 13 year old son, is impressed with the MN Vikings new QB Bridgewater…what could this old guy possibly know….

2.Bridgewater QB: 80% completion rate in preseason – and Fran Tarkenton (“Whoever that is, some old sports announcer guy”, said Jackson who is 13) said he is a very composed QB given this is still only his second season in NFL – he’s calm in the pocket

3. long term team building for the future, not just looking for marquee savior for one season

4. he watched Brett Favre win against them live in 2009 at the Dome, when everyone had left cuz the Vikings were down…but a last minute pass to Greg Lewis, originally called out of bounds, then challenged, call on field overturned for Vikes ….27-24 Q4

Nuff said….and if you knew how much of a sports hound Jackson is (ESPN SPORTS CENTRAL EVERY MORNING BEFORE SCHOOL SINCE FIRST GRADE!!!!), you’d bet on the Vikes this time….

London Opening Ceremony Filled with Glee and SMOKE STACKS?????? WHAHAHAHA?

 

Mans Achievements celebrated by showing smokestacks and pollution at the London Olympics 2012 opening ceremony
Mans Achievements celebrated by showing smokestacks and pollution at the London Olympics 2012 opening ceremony

So anyway, 9 year old Jackson, 2 year old Dylan, mom and I are watching the opening ceremonies of the 2012 Olympics in London.

I take that back. Dylan is taking the chewed gum out of his mouth and throwing it at the television.

Anyway, London puts on a great show, and suddenly I realize from below the ground in the stadium rise a bunch of industrial sized smoke stacks – and as they rise, they billow smoke (dry ice, I guess) meant to represent coal, ash, and other industrial toxins the first world created and that were inhaled by Ebenezer Scrooge, Oliver Twist and the Artful Dodger, and some real people, too, back in the day of the dawn of the 20th century.

“What’s that?” Jack asks.

“Smoke stacks.” I say.

“Why do they have smoke stacks?”

“To celebrate human achievement” I say. “”Lung cancer, unsafe working conditions, child labor -”

“What’s child labor?” he asks.

“Black lung – child labor is what you do for your allowance.”

“Is that bad?”

“Not to me.” I say.

“What did they do in Beijing in two thousand and eight?”

“They showed defectors and dissidents. They had this guy standing in front of a tank holding a flower.”

“Huh.” Jack says, digesting the moment.

 

2008 Chinese Olympics Opening Ceremony
2008 Chinese Olympics Opening Ceremony

Guy dressed in black walks across the street this morning in the dark and gives me the finger after almost becoming a hood ornament

Can you see the pedestrian walking around before sunrise? NEITHER CAN I !!
Can you see the pedestrian walking around before sunrise? NEITHER CAN I !!

So I’m like celebrating the winter equinox cuz it means that the days now will get longer, but I am driving west at 6:28am to work and it is PITCH BLACK…

…not that it stopped some numb nuts guy from crossing the road during HIS morning hike around lake CALHOUN.

He had on a black knit hat, black jacket black pants and let’s see…umm…oh yeah…his boots were black also. And he had black gloves on.

I observed this later.

Like I said….numb nuts.

I drive around the lake as part of my pleasant morning drive to work.

Anyway, so this guy JAYWALKS across the street right where its the darkest – on his way back to his BLACK SEDAN and I almost hit him.

I slammed on the brakes of my 2010 Chevrolet Impala with Sirius XM radio….I listen to POTUS (Politics Of The United States) radio in the morning, channel 124.

He jumped out of my way and stood against his back on his very dark car –

and gives me the finger.

THE FINGER!

And I rolled down my power window and asked “WHAT?”

“YOU COULD’VE KILLED ME!” he said all mad-like.

“EXACTLY!” I say…”They already killed Bin Laden….so go home Sergeant BLACK OPS!”

“DUCK YOU!” He said.

Except it wasn’t the word ‘DUCK’ that he used.

“YOU’RE WELCOME!” I yelled back at him, thinking how lucky he was to be alive.

Of course, I was lucky, too.

If I would’ve hit him, I would have been late for work.

Some people.

Stephen Hawking says man should go ahead and colonize in space since Earth is doomed…I say….you first, hottie….

Stephen Hawking - how can you even talk about space when these ladies are around helping your you-know-what defy gravity - if ya know what I mean
Stephen Hawking – how can you even talk about space when these ladies are around helping your you-know-what defy gravity – if ya know what I mean

Oh….and Stephen…….Call me when you get your cable, your internet access, and your 4G phone plan….dumbass………..have fun on Mars……..

White trash couple with no class have post-Beer garden liquor induced fight in front of my son at the Minnesota State Fair

funny skinny man fat woman photos 7
trashy couple fights dirtee and all drunk-like

So my 8 year old son Jack and I were at the fair today and were sitting on a curb near the pronto pup stand where we bought supper, when all of a sudden I hear this SHRIEK and……

“DAMN, WOMAN!”

from some hick right in front of me, and realized he was talking to the love of his life, who was staggering walking in front of him, flicking her cigarette ashes out a few feet away.

I will recollect the fight here as best as I remember…..

lets call him HEREBOY – cuz he reminded me of one of those slim little lap dogs you see at the dog shelter, two days out from being put down.

And we will call her KETTLEGIRL, because that was the first name that came to mind when I saw her….

Right before the “DAMN, WOMAN!” thang (spelt hillbilly) I thought I heard banjo music. Could all be in my head though.

Here goes…..

HEREBOY: DAMN, WOMAN!

KETTLEGIRL: SHOVE IT, HEREBOY!

HEREBOY: What’s got you so licked? Is cuz I ain’t whatever or what-not?

KETTLEGIRL (slowing down, then turning to face him, walking up to his tall skinny tattoo-ed self): It’s what you say-id…You aint got know what I hurd you say?

HEREBOY: Damn, girl!

KETTLEGIRL: I ain’t yer girl, Hereboy…NOT NO MORE!

HEREBOY: Ahh-ight…settle down…..

KETTLEGIRL: I aint gonna not after what you say-id!

HEREBOY: Whad I say?

KETTLEGIRL: You say you wanna take a shower with Jeannie-Bob….when you never wanna take a shower with me!

HEREBOY: Damn, woman!

KETTLEGIRL: How come you aint never wanna take a shower with me HEREBOY?

HEREBOY: Fer one, you wouldn’t fit in the shower, girl…
(He was right, unless it was a very big shower area, remember…..KETTLEGIRL was my first name for her…….)

deliverance guy
we don’t need no edee kay shun

KETTLEGIRL: Screw you, HEREBOY! You say-id thats why you love me cuz there’z so much to love!

HEREBOY: An’ I ment it, KETTLEGIRL…ahh-ight? I did! I was just sayin’ I could have both you in there iz all….

KETTLEGIRL: I ain’t showerin’ with no slut like Jeannie-Bob!

(Just then Jack asks me a question)

JACK: Are they fighting?

ME: Shhhh! I’m trying to write all this down…..

(meanwhile, back to the banjo hicks)

HEREBOY: She ain’t no slut! You cay-ent call her a slut….

KETTLEGIRL: Yes I can….SLUT SLUT SLUT!

HEREBOY: Dang, girl, that’s mah sister you been talkin’ ’bout!

KETTLEGIRL: That never stopped you before….

HEREBOY: Before what? We never knew each other back then….

KETTLEGIRL: SLUT SLUT SLUT!

(the banjo music got louder as he tried to take a punch at her…..she ducked and then kicked him between his legs, leaving him all crying and hurt and what-not….)

HEREBOY: DAMN YOU WOMAN!

KETTLEGIRL (from a distance, picking up speed, headed back to the beer garden): I ain’t takin’ no shower with one of them slut sisters!

So then Jack and I finished supper, and went on our way.

Jack asked me about it later, when we were looking at rides in the Midway.

JACK: So why was that lady mad again?

ME: ‘Cuz stupid is as stupid does, Jack…….

JACK: Huh?

ME: Life is like a box of chocolates..you never know which kind you’re gonna get….

JACK: What do you mean?

ME: I don’t know, Jack, but let’s go get some chicken-on-a-stick and forget about it.

And with that, we kept walking through the crowd while the banjo music played……